Thinking Gray

I've been having a few conversations this week about what people * should * do in what can only be described as terrible situations. Grief, loss, stress, life upheavals... things that make us go "AAAARRGHHHHH". There's a whole host of ideas about what we *should* do and how we *should* behave and we tend to dole that advice out to ourselves quite regularly, even if we don't do it to other people. (Advance apologies for the length of this blog. I appreciate you choosing to give your time to read it.) I really dislike the word *should*. We need it because it describes appropriate behaviour, without which society would be much less organised and wouldn't really function. Imagine yourself in any social situation with a young child (or a dog) who doesn't understand what they should do - imagine the chaos of trying to explain the social and behavioural boundaries to the child, or dog. These things we take for granted are implicit rules we have learne...

In the wake of the Jordan Peterson interview on UK's Channel 4 news, it became obvious that the distinction between listening and hearing needs to be addressed, especially where emotional political issues are concerned. There were multiple instances in which the interviewer (Cathy Newman) asks, "so what you mean is..." and made a statement that was in no way, shape, or form what Dr. Peterson had said. It's so funny, it's meme-worthy . Watch the full interview if you're interested; I'm not particularly keen on dissecting it in great depth because that's been done all over the internet already! On a more personal level, this sort of misunderstanding occurs on a daily basis with friends, partners, colleagues, etc. Just last week, this happened: My partner said to my friend: "it's interesting, as you get older you become more conservative" My friend: "not me!" and seemed slightly offended I laughed: "Jane, what di...

This seems to be something people struggle with on a daily basis - how do I stop feeling sad? how do I stop feeling anxious? how do I feel happier? As with everything in life, the answer is both simple and complex . You are more in control of your emotions than you think, but it's more complicated than flicking a light switch and ta-da!  altering how you feel. (yep, if only it could be like Vampire Diaries where we could just turn our 'humanity switch' off... now you know my secret guilty pleasure, don't judge) This post, however, is about something slightly different; it's not about how to control your emotions, or how to stop them happening, it's about how to solve the 'problems' they cause. By ' problems ' I mean the discomfort you feel when you're in the throes of sadness, resentment, anger, frustration, guilt... We have labelled these emotions as 'negative' (read: 'bad') and we are uncomfortable when we feel ...