How is Perfectionism different from Perfection?
Perfectionism is a mindset. Perfection is an outcome.
Simple.
(Does this mean I'll finally write something short and concise?... You can always hope!)
...So what's the point of this blog?
Well, I once had someone say to me, "I can't be a perfectionist, nothing I do is perfect!" after telling me how worried they were about a bazillion things they felt they couldn't do to a perfect standard.
See the problem?
If you confuse the mindset with the outcome, you misrepresent the issue and end up trying to find a solution to a different problem.
(Huh?)
If you believe that the mindset of perfectionism only describes people who achieve perfect outcomes, you don't see yourself as a "perfectionist". Instead, you focus your anxiety on your ability to do things (and engage in harsh self-judgement as a result). E.g. "I can't do things perfectly, so I cannot be a perfectionist... the problem is that I just can't [do X] as well as I should be able to!"
The issue then becomes whether you're good enough, or smart enough, or capable enough (i.e. a self-efficacy question), rather than an issue of whether perfection is attainable, realistic, or even desirable.
Worrying about your capabilities is a side effect of wanting to achieve perfection, but the perfectionistic mindset itself is concerned more with achieving perfection than whether you are capable of achieving it.
(Perfectionism strives for perfection - but not all perfectionists achieve perfect)
The issues are both important ones to address; I am just as concerned about someone's self-doubt as I am with their attempt to strive for something that (arguably) doesn't exist. However, the problem I have with the statement, "I can't be a perfectionist, nothing I do is perfect!" is that it is informed by the belief that perfection is attainable, realistic, and desirable (all of which can be debated!). Instead of addressing this belief, this person was only focused on their (supposed) inability to do things; they were falling into a hole of self-judgement and holding themselves to the standards of a perfectionistic mindset without even being aware of it.
(Perfect doesn't even seem like a real word anymore, does it?)
I hope that makes more sense. The irony is that when writing this, I said to my partner, "this post is really difficult to articulate properly, I hope people understand it"... he said, "what's it about?"... I said, "perfectionism"... He laughed.
Here I am falling into the trap of trying to perfectly articulate my ideas without realising that, no matter how well I do, it can (and will) probably be misinterpreted. I am self-judging instead of questioning whether perfection is even attainable or realistic... Instead of doing the best I can at this moment, I'm focused on perfect.
This brings me to my next point: What happens when we are focused on a self-efficacy concern (judging our capability) and we don't question the perfectionistic mindset?
Taking my current experience as an example; everytime I've hit a part of this post that I felt was difficult to articulate, I turned to my planner and started writing a "to-do" list, highlighting things, then I went on Facebook, then I started to tidy my desk... I avoided because I questioned my own ability to do it, instead of questioning whether I could even attain perfection and then just doing the best that I could.
This happens a lot for me. When I don't feel I can do something perfectly, I tend to avoid it and focus on what I perceive as a lack of competence in that area. While I may not be competent in that area, focusing only on my own incompetence doesn't actually motivate me to set goals and plans to improve. Being perfectionistic, I tend to avoid things I'm not good at, until I realise that my capabilities aren't the issue that's holding me back (I can always improve if necessary)... the real issue is that I'm aiming for something I will never achieve, so the energy-conserving part of my brain goes, why bother, we won't get there anyway.
(That's not really how your brain works, I took a little bit of fictitious licence there)
Once I refocus and realise I am being a perfectionist (i.e. it is my mindset, not the outcome, that is concerning), I can ask myself, "is perfection here attainable, realistic, and desirable?"... The answers to those questions are usually "no, no, and no" and all of a sudden I start to aim for the best I can do with what I've got, here and now, and make a plan to improve in future.
(FYI the issue of whether perfection is 'desirable' is something that will take too long to pull apart here, but if you're interested I can write a new post about it)
Obviously, the transition through those stages isn't that smooth or easy, but you get the gist.
So, repeat after me:
Perfectionism doesn't mean always getting things perfect.
Perfectionism is a mindset that strives for perfection.
Perfection is an outcome that is rarely (if ever) achievable, realistic, or desirable.
Focusing on not being perfect draws us into a self-judgemental monologue.
Focusing on perfection can lead us to withdraw from things we don't believe we are perfect at.
Focusing on our perfectionistic mindset allows us to move away from self-judgement and refocus on what we actually want to achieve and how we can realistically do that (Goals and Plans).
Self-improvement is not the same as striving for perfection.
(On a final note, this blog is about a relatively specific aspect of perfectionistic thinking - the belief that in order to be a perfectionist you have to actually achieve perfection - and the experiences I have described do not reflect the experiences of everyone who has struggled with this mindset. Some perfectionists don't withdraw, for example. I wrote this in the hopes it would get other people thinking about how they approach problems and the different beliefs that underlie their thinking, not as an all-encompassing discussion of perfectionism)
Simple.
(Does this mean I'll finally write something short and concise?... You can always hope!)
...So what's the point of this blog?
Well, I once had someone say to me, "I can't be a perfectionist, nothing I do is perfect!" after telling me how worried they were about a bazillion things they felt they couldn't do to a perfect standard.
See the problem?
If you confuse the mindset with the outcome, you misrepresent the issue and end up trying to find a solution to a different problem.
(Huh?)
If you believe that the mindset of perfectionism only describes people who achieve perfect outcomes, you don't see yourself as a "perfectionist". Instead, you focus your anxiety on your ability to do things (and engage in harsh self-judgement as a result). E.g. "I can't do things perfectly, so I cannot be a perfectionist... the problem is that I just can't [do X] as well as I should be able to!"
The issue then becomes whether you're good enough, or smart enough, or capable enough (i.e. a self-efficacy question), rather than an issue of whether perfection is attainable, realistic, or even desirable.
Worrying about your capabilities is a side effect of wanting to achieve perfection, but the perfectionistic mindset itself is concerned more with achieving perfection than whether you are capable of achieving it.
(Perfectionism strives for perfection - but not all perfectionists achieve perfect)
The issues are both important ones to address; I am just as concerned about someone's self-doubt as I am with their attempt to strive for something that (arguably) doesn't exist. However, the problem I have with the statement, "I can't be a perfectionist, nothing I do is perfect!" is that it is informed by the belief that perfection is attainable, realistic, and desirable (all of which can be debated!). Instead of addressing this belief, this person was only focused on their (supposed) inability to do things; they were falling into a hole of self-judgement and holding themselves to the standards of a perfectionistic mindset without even being aware of it.
(Perfect doesn't even seem like a real word anymore, does it?)
I hope that makes more sense. The irony is that when writing this, I said to my partner, "this post is really difficult to articulate properly, I hope people understand it"... he said, "what's it about?"... I said, "perfectionism"... He laughed.
Here I am falling into the trap of trying to perfectly articulate my ideas without realising that, no matter how well I do, it can (and will) probably be misinterpreted. I am self-judging instead of questioning whether perfection is even attainable or realistic... Instead of doing the best I can at this moment, I'm focused on perfect.
This brings me to my next point: What happens when we are focused on a self-efficacy concern (judging our capability) and we don't question the perfectionistic mindset?
Taking my current experience as an example; everytime I've hit a part of this post that I felt was difficult to articulate, I turned to my planner and started writing a "to-do" list, highlighting things, then I went on Facebook, then I started to tidy my desk... I avoided because I questioned my own ability to do it, instead of questioning whether I could even attain perfection and then just doing the best that I could.
This happens a lot for me. When I don't feel I can do something perfectly, I tend to avoid it and focus on what I perceive as a lack of competence in that area. While I may not be competent in that area, focusing only on my own incompetence doesn't actually motivate me to set goals and plans to improve. Being perfectionistic, I tend to avoid things I'm not good at, until I realise that my capabilities aren't the issue that's holding me back (I can always improve if necessary)... the real issue is that I'm aiming for something I will never achieve, so the energy-conserving part of my brain goes, why bother, we won't get there anyway.
(That's not really how your brain works, I took a little bit of fictitious licence there)
Once I refocus and realise I am being a perfectionist (i.e. it is my mindset, not the outcome, that is concerning), I can ask myself, "is perfection here attainable, realistic, and desirable?"... The answers to those questions are usually "no, no, and no" and all of a sudden I start to aim for the best I can do with what I've got, here and now, and make a plan to improve in future.
(FYI the issue of whether perfection is 'desirable' is something that will take too long to pull apart here, but if you're interested I can write a new post about it)
Obviously, the transition through those stages isn't that smooth or easy, but you get the gist.
So, repeat after me:
Perfectionism doesn't mean always getting things perfect.
Perfectionism is a mindset that strives for perfection.
Perfection is an outcome that is rarely (if ever) achievable, realistic, or desirable.
Focusing on not being perfect draws us into a self-judgemental monologue.
Focusing on perfection can lead us to withdraw from things we don't believe we are perfect at.
Focusing on our perfectionistic mindset allows us to move away from self-judgement and refocus on what we actually want to achieve and how we can realistically do that (Goals and Plans).
Self-improvement is not the same as striving for perfection.
(On a final note, this blog is about a relatively specific aspect of perfectionistic thinking - the belief that in order to be a perfectionist you have to actually achieve perfection - and the experiences I have described do not reflect the experiences of everyone who has struggled with this mindset. Some perfectionists don't withdraw, for example. I wrote this in the hopes it would get other people thinking about how they approach problems and the different beliefs that underlie their thinking, not as an all-encompassing discussion of perfectionism)
Sophie Gray - Think Gray Psychotherapy
sophie.gray@thinkgray.com
www.thinkgray.com
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